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VALENTINE'S

Get 25% off all Valentine's orders up until Friday 7th February. Simply enter discount code VDAY25 before checkout.

To enter the code go to SHOPPING CART -> VIEW CART -> ENTER COUPON.


Available Options

* Custom card *

Product Code: CSTM1

£3.99 Ex Tax:£3.33
You think it, we'll print it.
You think it, we'll print..
£3.99 Ex Tax:£3.33

Available Options

* Custom mug *

Product Code: CSTM 2

£10.99 Ex Tax:£9.16

Your brew, your words. Same design printed both sides.

Please double check all spelling before checkout.

Your brew, your words. Sa..
£10.99 Ex Tax:£9.16

Available Options

Beautiful bastard

Product Code: V3

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49
Just look at you, you hunk.
Just look at you, you hun..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Cheeky finger blast?

Product Code: MISC004

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Fingering is under rated and we're bringing it back.

Fingering is under rated ..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Available Options

Cheeky threesome?

Product Code: V2

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49
2 is company, 3 is a shag.


2 is company, 3 is a shag..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Cunt heart mug

Product Code: MG 1

£9.99 Ex Tax:£8.33
A staff favourite, this one always gets a second glance.
A staff favourite, this o..
£9.99 Ex Tax:£8.33

Fabulous fanny

Product Code: MISC005

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Some fannies can only be described as fabulous.

Some fannies can only be ..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Available Options

Fancy a shag?

Product Code: V1

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49
Don't ask, don't get.


Don't ask, don't get...
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Fucktard

Product Code: INSLT010

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Fucktard: Noun - a contemptible or stupid person.

Fucktard: Noun - a contem..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Happy fucking whatever

Product Code: HB008

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Fuck the occasion, this one caters for all your needs.

Fuck the occasion, this o..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Happy fucking whatever wrapping paper

Product Code: WRP005

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Couldn't care less about the occasion sweetie.

Couldn't care less about ..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Heartfelt cunt

Product Code: LV005

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Mixed feelings about your partner? We've got you covered.

SIZE: A6 (105mm x 148mm)

Includes an additional coloured envelope and The Cunning Linguist wax seal, for that extra touch.


Mixed feelings about your..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

I fucking love you more than Kanye loves Kanye

Product Code: LV001

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

We're not entirely sure it's possible, but it's a lovely sentiment.

We're not entirely sure i..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

I fucking love you wrapping paper

Product Code: WRP006

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Like, lots.

Like, lots...
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Available Options

I love to masturbate over you

Product Code: LV020

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49
Whilst scrolling through your Instagram.
Whilst scrolling through ..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

I love you almost as much as masturbating

Product Code: LV009

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

It's a toss up, but masturbating wins hands down.

It's a toss up, but mastu..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

I love you despite that excuse for a penis

Product Code: LV011

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Don't worry, it's how you use it that counts... *coughs*

Don't worry, it's how you..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

I love you even when you QUEEF

Product Code: LV012

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49
Perfect for that friend who's always farting from their front bum.
Perfect for that friend w..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

I love you from the bottom of my cock

Product Code: PSTL004

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

When you're a heartless prick it actually means a lot.

When you're a heartless p..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

I love you like a clit loves a tongue

Product Code: LV013

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Well this is clearly one of THE CUNNING LINGUIST'S favourites... Cunnilingus = Love

Well this is clearly one ..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

I love you like the clap loves a whore

Product Code: LV010

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49
..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

I love you more than cocaine

Product Code: LV004

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

It's the weekend, rack it up!

It's the weekend, rack it..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

I love your burger nips

Product Code: LV002

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Like big ol' beef patties slapped right on your bosom.

Like big ol' beef patties..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

I love your hairy balls

Product Code: LV003

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Throw that razor in the bin and get your sack out.

Throw that razor in the b..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

I love your saggy tits

Product Code: LV014

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Alright there droopy, tuck those nipples back into your belt.

Alright there droopy, tuc..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Available Options

I really like your ass

Product Code: V4

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49
Can I touch it?
Can I touch it?..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Available Options

I want to finger you silly

Product Code: LV018

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49
2 in the pink, 1 in the stink?


2 in the pink, 1 in the s..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Available Options

I want to jizz on your face

Product Code: LV028

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Who fancies a facial?

New
Who fancies a facial?..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Available Options

I want to lick your genitals

Product Code: LV031

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49
Bring that crotch right over here...
New
Bring that crotch right o..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Available Options

I want to spoon the shit out of you

Product Code: LV029

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49
Shotgun little spoon.
New
Shotgun little spoon...
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

I'd pick pubes out of my teeth for you

Product Code: LV006

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Is there a greater profession of love than this?

SIZE: A6 (105mm x 148mm)

Includes an additional coloured envelope and The Cunning Linguist wax seal, for that extra touch.

Is there a greater profes..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Love heart cunt - Red

Product Code: WRP007

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Say it with love hearts.

Say it with love hearts...
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Love heart cunt wrapping paper

Product Code: WRP002

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Wrapping Paper

Say it with love hearts

Wrapping PaperSay it with..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Shit boyfriend

Product Code: INSLT007

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49
Leave a few hints, he might change.
Leave a few hints, he mig..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Sorry I can't make you cum

Product Code: SRY001

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49
We're not perfect, but at least we try.


We're not perfect, but at..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Sorry to hear you're single, can we fuck?

Product Code: PSTL008

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Sorry for your loss, now take off your pants.

SIZE: A6 (105mm x 148mm)

Includes an additional coloured envelope and The Cunning Linguist wax seal, for that extra touch.

Sorry for your loss, now ..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Sorry we don't do anal

Product Code: SRY002

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49
Ain't nothing going up this shit pipe.
Ain't nothing going up th..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

This present is shit

Product Code: WRP003

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Don't get your hopes up pal.

Don't get your hopes up p..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Tiny dick

Product Code: INSLT001

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Well this is awkward...

Well this is awkward.....
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

You give me a wide on

Product Code: GWS002

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

A card to show your foof's appreciation...

A card to show your foof'..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49
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