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LOVE & SOPPY SHIT

Sometimes you just want to shout about how much you love someone. Sometimes you’re obliged to buy a piece of folded card in order to escape the wrath of your beloved (ahem Valentine’s day).  Whatever the situation, you can always add a little humour or a sneaky insult.


Cheeky finger blast?

Product Code: MISC004

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Fingering is under rated and we're bringing it back.

Fingering is under rated ..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Happy fucking whatever

Product Code: HB008

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Fuck the occasion, this one caters for all your needs.

Fuck the occasion, this o..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

I love you almost as much as masturbating

Product Code: LV009

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

It's a toss up, but masturbating wins hands down.

It's a toss up, but mastu..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

I love you despite that excuse for a penis

Product Code: LV011

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Don't worry, it's how you use it that counts... *coughs*

New
Don't worry, it's how you..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

I love you even when you QUEEF

Product Code: LV012

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49
Perfect for that friend who's always farting from their front bum.
New
Perfect for that friend w..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

I love you from the bottom of my cock

Product Code: PSTL004

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

When you're a heartless prick it actually means a lot.

When you're a heartless p..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

I love you like a clit loves a tongue

Product Code: LV013

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Well this is clearly one of THE CUNNING LINGUIST'S favourites... Cunnilingus = Love

New
Well this is clearly one ..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

I love you like the clap loves a whore

Product Code: LV010

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49
New
..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

I love you more than cocaine

Product Code: LV004

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

It's the weekend, rack it up!

It's the weekend, rack it..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

I love your burger nips

Product Code: LV002

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Like big ol' beef patties slapped right on your bosom.

Like big ol' beef patties..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

I love your hairy balls

Product Code: LV003

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Throw that razor in the bin and get your sack out.

Throw that razor in the b..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

I love your saggy tits

Product Code: LV014

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Alright there droopy, tuck those nipples back into your belt.

New
Alright there droopy, tuc..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

I'd pick pubes out of my teeth for you

Product Code: LV006

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Is there a greater profession of love than this?

SIZE: A6 (105mm x 148mm)

Includes an additional coloured envelope and The Cunning Linguist wax seal, for that extra touch.

Is there a greater profes..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Love your hairy meat flaps

Product Code: LV008

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

We know you've given up on the razor but we love you anyway.

We know you've given up o..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Shit boyfriend

Product Code: INSLT007

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49
Leave a few hints, he might change.
Leave a few hints, he mig..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Sorry I can't make you cum

Product Code: SRY001

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49
We're not perfect, but at least we try.


We're not perfect, but at..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Sorry I'm a shit daughter

Product Code: SRY004

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

You've fucked up, so now's your time to make amends. £2.99 on a card should do it, right?

You've fucked up, so now'..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Sorry I'm a shit non-binary child

Product Code: SRY005

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Sorry you're shit? Check.

Don't conform to socially constructed genders? Check

This beauty is for you.

Sorry you're shit? Check...
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Sorry I'm a shit son

Product Code: SRY003

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

The first stage is acknowledgement. Acknowledge you're shit.

Stage 2, buy this card.

Stage 3, go back to being shit.

The first stage is acknow..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Sorry we don't do anal

Product Code: SRY002

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49
Ain't nothing going up this shit pipe.
Ain't nothing going up th..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

You give me a wide on

Product Code: GWS002

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

A card to show your foof's appreciation...

A card to show your foof'..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

You make me moist

Product Code: MISC002

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Say it out loud... MOIST.

Say it out loud... MOIST...
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

You're fucking ugly

Product Code: INSLT005

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Joking (not joking)

SIZE: A6 (105mm x 148mm)

Includes an additional coloured envelope and The Cunning Linguist wax seal, for that extra touch.


Joking (not joking)SIZE: ..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Your breath stinks of dog shit

Product Code: INSLT008

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Do us all a favour and brush those fucking teeth!

Do us all a favour and br..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Your cock smells of camembert

Product Code: LV007

£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49

Someone say CHEEEEESE! Now go give it a wash you dirty bastard.

Someone say CHEEEEESE! No..
£2.99 Ex Tax:£2.49
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